You would be so very proud of us. Your dad and I are leaving in the morning for our first mission trip to the Dominican Republic. Your life here on earth has brought glory to God. We heard the message you brought with you for those short yet wonderful 28 months you were here with us. We think of you every single day, and "see" you in the beautiful nature that surrounds us. Just last week before bed I was walking Belina and there you were...the first lightning bug I saw of the season. Lighting the way, it was amazing because the lightning bug came out of the grasses, caught Belina's eye and she chased it down the street with the lightning bug bouncing off of Belina's nose. It was amazing.
I know you must be proud of your big sis too. It was quite an emotional moment to see Ashley receive her high school diploma. You taught her well too. Her plans are to start community college in the Fall. All because of you, her goal is to become a speech pathologist.
You taught us well little Bri. Big hugs and kisses to you. Forever in our hearts.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Just Being Thankful
The day before Bri's birthday was the worse. We did our best to hold it all together. Our wonderful friends Rick and Susan (coincidentally, Bri was born on Rick's birthday) held a mass in Brianna's honor. It was beautiful. Thank you to you both and your children Tommy and Allison.
On the morning of Bri's birthday Jerry and I resolved to make it a Good Day, a Happy and Thankful Day and we did pretty darn good. We took some gifts to a home for atypical children in Bri's honor, had Jerry's parents over and did a balloon release with Doug, Helen and Jim and Kathy. Below is something I read aloud before the balloon release.
Just one little peek into heaven,
Is all I'm asking for today.
I just want to know how she's doing,
Is she playing on the clouds with angels?
Is she laughing and running today?
If you just let me look for a moment,
To catch a glimpse of her sweet smiling face,
I promise I won't try to take her,
I know, she's in a better place.
Just one little peek into heaven,
Is all I'm asking for today.
I just want to know how she's doing,
And heaven seems so far away...
Happy 3rd Birthday in Heaven to our sweet Baby Brianna
Thank you to all of you who sent emails and facebook messages, thank you for remembering our sweet little angel Brianna.
On the morning of Bri's birthday Jerry and I resolved to make it a Good Day, a Happy and Thankful Day and we did pretty darn good. We took some gifts to a home for atypical children in Bri's honor, had Jerry's parents over and did a balloon release with Doug, Helen and Jim and Kathy. Below is something I read aloud before the balloon release.
Just one little peek into heaven,
Is all I'm asking for today.
I just want to know how she's doing,
Is she playing on the clouds with angels?
Is she laughing and running today?
If you just let me look for a moment,
To catch a glimpse of her sweet smiling face,
I promise I won't try to take her,
I know, she's in a better place.
Just one little peek into heaven,
Is all I'm asking for today.
I just want to know how she's doing,
And heaven seems so far away...
Happy 3rd Birthday in Heaven to our sweet Baby Brianna
Thank you to all of you who sent emails and facebook messages, thank you for remembering our sweet little angel Brianna.
Friday, April 9, 2010
First Birthday in Heaven
Bri will be celebrating her 3rd birthday (April 12) in heaven this year. As the day approaches I don't know how it will be for us here on earth. I've had several good crying days this week, it's like I have this cloud hanging over my head and all of a sudden the sadness starts raining down on me. We will be going to mass on Sunday with friends and on Monday Jerry is going to get his tattoo of Bri's little feet on his forearm. We are also planning on taking some much-needed items to a home in Orlando that takes care of "atypical" children and follow up with a balloon release in Bri's honor.
We miss your gorgeous smiling face so very much Bri.
We miss your gorgeous smiling face so very much Bri.
Friday, March 5, 2010
One Year Ago Today
I found myself tonight browsing through the many pictures taken of our family since Bri's birth and came upon this one. It is one of my favorites. Our two girls. Then I noticed that I had taken this picture one year ago today. Where has the time gone? Bri died six months ago. Seems like yesterday. If I could only hold her one more time, feel the softness of her skin and smell her sweet baby breath....if only....
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Another Dream...So Far the Best
Last night I had a dream...it has been on my mind all day....this is how it went:
I walk down a hallway and come to a bedroom, open the door and Brianna is lying there in the middle of the bed. Jerry is next to the bed, working....on the computer....I say to myself....what? Brianna died.....but there she is.....dreams no matter how unrealistic yet in the dream so real.....so anyway...there she is....lying on the bed.....I enter the room and think (sounds so morbid) but I think.....she is going to be so cold (rememember, she died)....I approach Brianna and she starts smiling and moving....OMG.....it's her....it's Bri....WOW.....I touch her....and she is NOT cold.....(but she died?!!!).....she is simply our sweet Bri....all smiles, all warmth....all love.....what??? is she talking now?.....she is saying da da da da (yes, she said that when she was here on earth) and then she started say Gi Gi Gi Gi.... my mother.....her grandmother....no, she didn't say that when she was here on earth.....I picked her up, held her oh so close.....in my dream I could smell her....YES!!! I could smell her.....I could honestly feel her.....I was in heaven.....because even in my dream I knew she had died....then the dream simply dissolved......I woke up.....it was 3:30 am..... took a while to get back to sleep....I kept thinking oh, how wonderful.....I not only saw her again, but I held her and could smell her scent......God is so Good......
I walk down a hallway and come to a bedroom, open the door and Brianna is lying there in the middle of the bed. Jerry is next to the bed, working....on the computer....I say to myself....what? Brianna died.....but there she is.....dreams no matter how unrealistic yet in the dream so real.....so anyway...there she is....lying on the bed.....I enter the room and think (sounds so morbid) but I think.....she is going to be so cold (rememember, she died)....I approach Brianna and she starts smiling and moving....OMG.....it's her....it's Bri....WOW.....I touch her....and she is NOT cold.....(but she died?!!!).....she is simply our sweet Bri....all smiles, all warmth....all love.....what??? is she talking now?.....she is saying da da da da (yes, she said that when she was here on earth) and then she started say Gi Gi Gi Gi.... my mother.....her grandmother....no, she didn't say that when she was here on earth.....I picked her up, held her oh so close.....in my dream I could smell her....YES!!! I could smell her.....I could honestly feel her.....I was in heaven.....because even in my dream I knew she had died....then the dream simply dissolved......I woke up.....it was 3:30 am..... took a while to get back to sleep....I kept thinking oh, how wonderful.....I not only saw her again, but I held her and could smell her scent......God is so Good......
Sunday, January 24, 2010
One More Thing
Jerry and I met with a very special little boy and his family....Caleb, he is 10 months old and adorable (full trisomy 18). I was so amazed at how these children look so much alike. Aren't they the cutest things ever?!!!!
Caleb....
Brianna....
I actually posted twice tonight...woooo hooo. Be sure to read the blog below too....very important stuff.
Caleb....
Brianna....
I actually posted twice tonight...woooo hooo. Be sure to read the blog below too....very important stuff.
Something I Have Been Wanting to Write About
Sadly, we have experienced that the father's of our very special children are so very often ignored. Unintentionally, I'm sure but none-the-less, ignored. I can't tell you the countless times I have been approached with hugs and condolences, offers of prayers, etc....and Jerry would be right there with me yet never acknowledged. I KNOW when this has happened that it is not intentional, I think it is more like the man is supposed to be the "rock", the "tough" one...but let me tell you, when your child is terminally ill, the father is just as sad as the mother. He needs just as many prayers, hugs, condolences, etc. as the mother. Maybe even more because while the mother is at home taking care of the child, the father is out, away from the family, working....please, I ask each of you who read this update to thank the father of the children that you are following on other sites....
While researching grief, I came across the following....sure hit home with me.
Fathers - The Forgotten Grievers
The death of a child is probably the most traumatic and devastating experience a couple can face. Although both mothers and fathers grieve deeply when such a tragedy occurs, they grieve differently, and it is most important that each partner give the other permission to grieve as he/she needs. This may be the greatest gift each can give the other.
Parental grief is strongly influenced by the nature of the bond between child and parent. Bereavement specialists actually speak of "incongruent grieving" patterns in mothers and fathers and of differences in the timing and intensity of the parental bond for mothers and fathers.
For the mother, the bond is usually more immediate and demonstrable, more intense at the beginning of life, more emotionally and physically intimate. The mother's bond with the baby is usually tightly forged from the moment of conception and continues through the pregnancy, the birth, and the nursing process. The maternal bond involves the present and the baby's immediate needs, while the father's bond with the baby more often concerns the future and dreams and expectations for the child. Today, however, many fathers are forging earlier and more intense prenatal bonds with their babies. Fathers also are often present in the delivery room for the birth. Some fathers become direct caregivers of the newborn, developing early and close bonds with their infants. Yet, still in many cases, "the father's emotional investment in parenting tends to occur later and less intensely than the mother's. This has implications for the way parents grieve" (Cordell and Thomas 1990, 75).
When is it my turn to cry? I'm not sure society or my upbringing will allow me a time to really cry, unafraid of the reaction and repercussion that might follow. I must be strong, I must support my wife because I am a man. I must be the cornerstone of our family because society says so, my family says so, and, until I can reverse my learned nature, I say so. - A FATHER, IN DEFRAIN ET AL. 1991, 112
In spite of the trend towards earlier bonding between fathers and babies, the influence of cultural expectations about men and grief persists and is powerful. Typically, the societal view of parental loss is not the same for the father as the mother. Most of the literature on parental bereavement still tends to focus on the mother's grief. Often, men are not acknowledged as experiencing grief; or more importantly, men are not taught that it's necessary to grieve and are discouraged from demonstrating signs of grief openly. Bereaved fathers frequently feel that they are the forgotten mourners and are often referred to as "second class grievers" (Horchler and Morris 1994, 72).
Fathers are expected to be strong for their partners, to be the "rock" in the family. All too often fathers are considered to be the ones who should attend to the practical but not the emotional aspects surrounding the death; they are expected to be the ones who should not let emotions show or tears fall outwardly, the ones who will not and should not fall apart. Men are often asked how their wives are doing, but not asked how they are doing.
Such expectations place an unmanageable burden on men and deprive them of their rightful and urgent need to grieve. This need will surface eventually if it is not expressed. It is not unusual for grieving fathers to feel overwhelmed, ignored, isolated, and abandoned as they try to continue to be caregivers and breadwinners for their families while their hearts are breaking. "Fathers' feelings [often] stay hidden under layers of responsibility and grim determination" (Staudacher 1991, 124). Bereaved fathers often say that such strong emotions are very difficult to contain after their child's death. Fathers often fear that they will erupt like volcanoes if they allow themselves to release these feelings and so, too often, fathers try to bury their pain with the child who died.
It is most important that a father's grief be verbalized and understood by his partner, other family members, professionals, coworkers, friends, and by anyone who will listen. Fathers need to try to free themselves of stereotypes and societal expectations about men and grief; they must be able to tell others that their grief is all they have from their child's brief life. Fathers repeatedly say that for their own peace of mind, they (and those who care about them) need to move away from this mind set and allow them to grieve as they are entitled.
In too many instances, fathers' responses to infant loss tend to coincide with how they believe they should act as men, rather than how they need to act to confront and resolve [their own] grief. - CORDELL AND THOMAS 1990, 7
While researching grief, I came across the following....sure hit home with me.
Fathers - The Forgotten Grievers
The death of a child is probably the most traumatic and devastating experience a couple can face. Although both mothers and fathers grieve deeply when such a tragedy occurs, they grieve differently, and it is most important that each partner give the other permission to grieve as he/she needs. This may be the greatest gift each can give the other.
Parental grief is strongly influenced by the nature of the bond between child and parent. Bereavement specialists actually speak of "incongruent grieving" patterns in mothers and fathers and of differences in the timing and intensity of the parental bond for mothers and fathers.
For the mother, the bond is usually more immediate and demonstrable, more intense at the beginning of life, more emotionally and physically intimate. The mother's bond with the baby is usually tightly forged from the moment of conception and continues through the pregnancy, the birth, and the nursing process. The maternal bond involves the present and the baby's immediate needs, while the father's bond with the baby more often concerns the future and dreams and expectations for the child. Today, however, many fathers are forging earlier and more intense prenatal bonds with their babies. Fathers also are often present in the delivery room for the birth. Some fathers become direct caregivers of the newborn, developing early and close bonds with their infants. Yet, still in many cases, "the father's emotional investment in parenting tends to occur later and less intensely than the mother's. This has implications for the way parents grieve" (Cordell and Thomas 1990, 75).
When is it my turn to cry? I'm not sure society or my upbringing will allow me a time to really cry, unafraid of the reaction and repercussion that might follow. I must be strong, I must support my wife because I am a man. I must be the cornerstone of our family because society says so, my family says so, and, until I can reverse my learned nature, I say so. - A FATHER, IN DEFRAIN ET AL. 1991, 112
In spite of the trend towards earlier bonding between fathers and babies, the influence of cultural expectations about men and grief persists and is powerful. Typically, the societal view of parental loss is not the same for the father as the mother. Most of the literature on parental bereavement still tends to focus on the mother's grief. Often, men are not acknowledged as experiencing grief; or more importantly, men are not taught that it's necessary to grieve and are discouraged from demonstrating signs of grief openly. Bereaved fathers frequently feel that they are the forgotten mourners and are often referred to as "second class grievers" (Horchler and Morris 1994, 72).
Fathers are expected to be strong for their partners, to be the "rock" in the family. All too often fathers are considered to be the ones who should attend to the practical but not the emotional aspects surrounding the death; they are expected to be the ones who should not let emotions show or tears fall outwardly, the ones who will not and should not fall apart. Men are often asked how their wives are doing, but not asked how they are doing.
Such expectations place an unmanageable burden on men and deprive them of their rightful and urgent need to grieve. This need will surface eventually if it is not expressed. It is not unusual for grieving fathers to feel overwhelmed, ignored, isolated, and abandoned as they try to continue to be caregivers and breadwinners for their families while their hearts are breaking. "Fathers' feelings [often] stay hidden under layers of responsibility and grim determination" (Staudacher 1991, 124). Bereaved fathers often say that such strong emotions are very difficult to contain after their child's death. Fathers often fear that they will erupt like volcanoes if they allow themselves to release these feelings and so, too often, fathers try to bury their pain with the child who died.
It is most important that a father's grief be verbalized and understood by his partner, other family members, professionals, coworkers, friends, and by anyone who will listen. Fathers need to try to free themselves of stereotypes and societal expectations about men and grief; they must be able to tell others that their grief is all they have from their child's brief life. Fathers repeatedly say that for their own peace of mind, they (and those who care about them) need to move away from this mind set and allow them to grieve as they are entitled.
In too many instances, fathers' responses to infant loss tend to coincide with how they believe they should act as men, rather than how they need to act to confront and resolve [their own] grief. - CORDELL AND THOMAS 1990, 7
Friday, January 15, 2010
I saw Bri
I saw Bri....in a dream early this morning. She was in her carseat....sleeping peacefully.....then started to stir and wake up....there were people around....smiling and looking at her......I touched her nose in a playful gesture and she smiled that gorgeous smile.....my heart is happy today....thank you Bri. You knew I needed that.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Memorial Cards
Below are the cards we had made for Brianna's memorial service. The first is the top and the second is the reverse side. The third picture is the memorial program. The cards have turned into a type of "calling card" for Brianna. We hand them out every chance we get.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Good Morning Sweet Angel
Today marks 4 months since you have been gone. It has been a life-changing event that has just about torn our family apart. I ask for prayers for us (Brenda, Jerry and Ashley) that God will lay his healing hand on our family and bring us close again.
Last week we received a card in the mail, it is so amazing that I want to share it with everyone. Here is the outside of the card...
and the hand-written note inside:
"Your sweet little Brianna wasn't here for Christmas, but when I saw this picture there was an immediate reaction - my goodness, there's Brianna scampering around in heaven."
Thank you Joe and Cheryl. What a wonderful card.
Last week we received a card in the mail, it is so amazing that I want to share it with everyone. Here is the outside of the card...
and the hand-written note inside:
"Your sweet little Brianna wasn't here for Christmas, but when I saw this picture there was an immediate reaction - my goodness, there's Brianna scampering around in heaven."
Thank you Joe and Cheryl. What a wonderful card.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
100 Days
It seems like an eternity since Bri has been gone. Long days and longer nights. We did put up a Christmas tree although it is sparsely decorated. Just this past weekend Jerry put the lighted cross out by the front door. We thought we would string up the lights on the house but haven't had it in us yet. Maybe we will, maybe we won't.
We got through Thanksgiving. Jerry had a business trip to Denver and thought it would be good for me to go with, so I did. We stayed out there for a week. What a beautiful part of the country. Went snow skiing at Copper Mountain and Monarch Mountain, even made a snow angel in memory of Bri. Jerry got it on camera but I haven't uploaded it yet. It is really sweet.
I spent a week at my mother's house doing holiday stuff with my mother and sisters. It was so hard. Just bittersweet. Initially we were going to go visit for Christmas but decided we would rather stay here in Orlando.
On December 4th we attended a breakfast for Hospice of the Comforter (in Altamonte Springs). Bri's story was one of 4 featured on their video. What a beautiful tribute to both Bri and the services provided by Hospice. I've tried uploading it too but....brain cells can't figure it out.
I've had a trying afternoon. Have been making calls regarding unpaid medical bills. Wondered why we were getting them (after having no problem reaching our deductible this year) and found out that somehow they were requesting payment from an insurance company from five years ago. Apparently insurance info stays out there in cyberspace and was picked up by some of these companies. What makes it so trying is I have to call, wait, explain and then most times they will ask if the person is still insured. That's when I drop the bomb. Most times they can't get off of the phone fast enough.
We sure do miss our sweet little baby Bri but feel comforted in knowing that she is in heaven singing with the angels.
What the heck, here's some pictures from 2008, as I have said many times before, isn't she the cutest thing ever?
Merry Christmas
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Ashley's Video
This is a video/photos that Ashley put together when she got her first "ink". As to be expected, it makes me smile because of how proud I am of Ashley yet I cry because of how much I miss Brianna. I just continue to repeat over and over, God is good, God is good...but the one thing I will tell you though is when I first see him, my first question will be, Why?.....Why?
Monday, November 2, 2009
Sweet
Just a sweet iphone video that should make you smile and perhaps cry. The red light is the O2 monitor on Bri's toe.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Here I Am
I don't know how else to title this chapter except to say Here I Am, or actually Here We Are....moving on with life. I can't say we're moving on without Bri because although she is not here physically, she IS here, in our hearts and thoughts. The thing about grief is dang it, it can sneak up on you right out of the blue. The first days after Bri died, the grief was different. The pain she was in the few days before death helped us to realize that it truly was a blessing that she had been received upon the Lord but as the days and weeks progress, it's harder to remember the pain she as in because our pain of missing her sweet little smiling face is so overwhelming. It's harder to go into her bedroom without sobbing. I know this will pass and that it will eventually get easier and I don't want to rush it because I need to feel this. I just need to feel it.
On another note, we have been asked to share our story with Hospice of the Comforter here in Altamonte Springs and today is the day. A local television crew will be filming us in a couple of hours. I can feel the tears already. The story will "debut" Dec. 4th at a Hospice fundraiser. We will keep you posted.
On another note, we have been asked to share our story with Hospice of the Comforter here in Altamonte Springs and today is the day. A local television crew will be filming us in a couple of hours. I can feel the tears already. The story will "debut" Dec. 4th at a Hospice fundraiser. We will keep you posted.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Oh Sweet, Sweet Brianna
I can be having a pretty decent day and click on Bri's website and the tears begin to stream down my face when I see that gorgeous smile on sweet Bri. Thank God that she was so very happy during her short lifetime.
Life is going on at a much different pace now. I am actually getting through some of the "stacks" of "stuff" that piled up the last couple of years. One would think I would have a lot of time on my hands but actually I don't. Well, I probably could but I prefer to keep busy, it keeps the sadness from creeping in on me.
Jerry is back to work full time, traveling a lot and not liking it at all. I don't like it either but right now, that is where we are at job wise. Praying every day for something to happen / change up so he can be at home more.
Ashley is back in school and working part time. I don't get to see her very much which makes me sad but I have to get used to the fact that she is 17, almost 18 and at that age, who wants to hang out with their mother?!!!
We've started a flower garden between our house and Kathy's house and it has been officially named "Brianna's Garden". Kathy and Jim bought a beautiful angel statue and cross for the garden. We both planted various flowering plants that attract butterflies. One of the hospice volunteers, Ann P., brought over and planted a beautiful pink hibiscus. She officially dubbed the color "Brianna Pink". Here in the near future I will take some photos and post them. The garden is really beautiful and the butterflies have been feeding daily.
Please note the Brianna Gives Hope Foundation info on the left side of the site. Things are happening....we are very excited.
Brenda
Life is going on at a much different pace now. I am actually getting through some of the "stacks" of "stuff" that piled up the last couple of years. One would think I would have a lot of time on my hands but actually I don't. Well, I probably could but I prefer to keep busy, it keeps the sadness from creeping in on me.
Jerry is back to work full time, traveling a lot and not liking it at all. I don't like it either but right now, that is where we are at job wise. Praying every day for something to happen / change up so he can be at home more.
Ashley is back in school and working part time. I don't get to see her very much which makes me sad but I have to get used to the fact that she is 17, almost 18 and at that age, who wants to hang out with their mother?!!!
We've started a flower garden between our house and Kathy's house and it has been officially named "Brianna's Garden". Kathy and Jim bought a beautiful angel statue and cross for the garden. We both planted various flowering plants that attract butterflies. One of the hospice volunteers, Ann P., brought over and planted a beautiful pink hibiscus. She officially dubbed the color "Brianna Pink". Here in the near future I will take some photos and post them. The garden is really beautiful and the butterflies have been feeding daily.
Please note the Brianna Gives Hope Foundation info on the left side of the site. Things are happening....we are very excited.
Brenda
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
I feel you baby Bri, I feel you...
This morning I slept in. The house was cooler and the bed so very comfortable. Once I was out of bed I realized why, we had a "cold" front come in. Here in Central Florida, a "cold" front means it is NOT 95 to 100 degrees outside along with 100% humidity. Anyway, the temperature in the house was 76, yeah I know, LOL. Continuing on with my morning, I opened the blinds, made some coffee, opened up the back porch for Belina and OMG, the weather outside was glorious, absolutely glorious. As quickly as I could I put my shoes on and took Belina out for a walk and then the tears just starting streaming down my face...Bri was everywhere, I could feel her presence, I felt as though her arms were wrapped so tightly around me and even though I am back inside typing this, she is here with me. I feel so blessed to be able to recognize the feel of her love, the feel of Christ's love. Thank you baby Bri for this very special time together this morning. I love you so very much.
Monday, September 28, 2009
What is there to say
I know...I have been away for some time now but in all reality, what is there for me to say? really, what is left to say? Each and every day I wake up and think ohhhhhh another day. I can't believe how fast the time is going by. Bri died 3 1/2 weeks ago yet it seems like yesterday. Upon her passing I felt that I had no regrets that I (we) had left no stone unturned but as the time continues on it is easy to find things that I regret, just holding her a little more, singing to her a little more, hugging and smelling her a little more....we just miss her presence in our lives so very much. My heart aches like you couldn't believe. Jerry is back at work full time and Ashley is back at school full time and I am working at the house sorting out "stacks" of "stuff" that have been stacked up for the last 2 1/2 years. LOTS of filing and organizing to do. I hope in the near future to find at least a part-time job. Guess I will see what God has in store for me next.
We so appreciate the many donations made to the Brianna Gives Hope Foundation and Jerry and I are working with the folks at our church, First Presbyterian Church of Orlando's Heart of the City Foundation, to make each and every dollar donated to Brianna Gives Hope counts. We feel honored to have FPCO's Heart of the City Foundation work with us to make a change in other people's lives. Jerry, Ashley and I feel so incredibly proud to be able to honor Brianna's life in such a way to help others. God has been and continues to be so good to us. We will be sure to keep you posted on information regarding Brianna's Foundation.
Good night sweet baby Bri.....we miss you so very much.
We so appreciate the many donations made to the Brianna Gives Hope Foundation and Jerry and I are working with the folks at our church, First Presbyterian Church of Orlando's Heart of the City Foundation, to make each and every dollar donated to Brianna Gives Hope counts. We feel honored to have FPCO's Heart of the City Foundation work with us to make a change in other people's lives. Jerry, Ashley and I feel so incredibly proud to be able to honor Brianna's life in such a way to help others. God has been and continues to be so good to us. We will be sure to keep you posted on information regarding Brianna's Foundation.
Good night sweet baby Bri.....we miss you so very much.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Shining Down
Jerry and I are in Atlanta....talk about rain. Goodness, it's been raining so much that houses are flooded, roads are closed, schools are closed....forecast called for rain today too but little Brianna and her T-18 friend, Christina took care of business today and had the sun shining for us. Christina is the daughter of Mills and Kathryn, whom now reside here in Atlanta. They are the first couple we met with a child with T-18. Christina lived here on earth for 13 months but without even having to say it, she still resides here on earth in her mother, father, grandparents, and many others including us. It's comforting to know that today both Brianna and Christina were smiling down upon us with BIG rays of sunshine. Thank you sweet angel pies.
Kathryn was gracious enough to spend the day with me. We talked, cried, talked, laughed, window-shopped. I thoroughly enjoyed the day. A big thank you Kathryn for your time.
Kathryn was gracious enough to spend the day with me. We talked, cried, talked, laughed, window-shopped. I thoroughly enjoyed the day. A big thank you Kathryn for your time.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Reading the blog
I just opened Bri's blog again, or actually my blog about Bri and read my last post....oh, it sounded so sad. Part of me feels like I should apologize but then another part knows that I shouldn't because that is where I was at that moment. That is how grief is, up one moment, down the next.
I'm feeling pretty good right now, yesterday I went to a conference with a wonderful girlfriend, the presenters were Beth Moore, Priscilla somebody and Kay somebody (I love it when I really know what I am talking about...lol) and what light they showered on me. More on that later but let me tell you, if you want a GREAT bible study, go online and look up Beth Moore....she is something else.
Today Jerry and I went kayaking in the Winter Park chain of lakes. Surprisingly, we missed church to do this. I learned from Beth Moore that there are times when you have to really look and see what is important "this day" and do it....today it was important for Jerry and I to get out and be together. We are glad we took the time to do this, it was a great day, there was no doubt that we were blessed for doing so.
In the morning I am flying to Atlanta with Jerry. He is returning to work. What a difficult time and I want to be there to support him.
Ashley spent the weekend at the beach and took some great photos of Bri's best friend, Susie....they are so sweet. Check them out on my facebook account....brenda langston botts.
Special thanks to Jesus Christ, he is such an awesome God.
Good night all. Especially to sweet baby Bri.
I'm feeling pretty good right now, yesterday I went to a conference with a wonderful girlfriend, the presenters were Beth Moore, Priscilla somebody and Kay somebody (I love it when I really know what I am talking about...lol) and what light they showered on me. More on that later but let me tell you, if you want a GREAT bible study, go online and look up Beth Moore....she is something else.
Today Jerry and I went kayaking in the Winter Park chain of lakes. Surprisingly, we missed church to do this. I learned from Beth Moore that there are times when you have to really look and see what is important "this day" and do it....today it was important for Jerry and I to get out and be together. We are glad we took the time to do this, it was a great day, there was no doubt that we were blessed for doing so.
In the morning I am flying to Atlanta with Jerry. He is returning to work. What a difficult time and I want to be there to support him.
Ashley spent the weekend at the beach and took some great photos of Bri's best friend, Susie....they are so sweet. Check them out on my facebook account....brenda langston botts.
Special thanks to Jesus Christ, he is such an awesome God.
Good night all. Especially to sweet baby Bri.
Friday, September 18, 2009
oh where to start
I open up Bri's blogspot and can't stop crying. The tears are pouring like rain. We miss her so much. Her absolutely beautiful happy face radiating out from the blogspot. It has been 15 days since she died. Died, I have to say that word. I can't continue to say the unreal words like "passed or gone away". Brianna has died, end of sentence. Yesterday I was at the doctor with Jerry, it appears that he has thrown his back out, and luck would have it (although I wouldn't really call it luck) that I would look at my watch right at 2:55 pm, the time she died two weeks ago. Tears, tears and more tears.
Jerry had planned on going back to work this past Wednesday. I was going to go with him to Atlanta, with a stop in Savannah on the way, just to be there together but that didn't happen. We couldn't do it. Couldn't leave the house. Every day we kept saying "ok today we will get out and do something". never happened until today. We finally got out and went up to the Wekiva River and sat on the riverbank in adirondack chairs and just enjoyed the outdoors. I could feel Bri's presence in the beautiful outdoors. She was there with us for sure. Big angel hugs and kisses to you Bri, mama, daddy and sissy miss you so very much.
Jerry had planned on going back to work this past Wednesday. I was going to go with him to Atlanta, with a stop in Savannah on the way, just to be there together but that didn't happen. We couldn't do it. Couldn't leave the house. Every day we kept saying "ok today we will get out and do something". never happened until today. We finally got out and went up to the Wekiva River and sat on the riverbank in adirondack chairs and just enjoyed the outdoors. I could feel Bri's presence in the beautiful outdoors. She was there with us for sure. Big angel hugs and kisses to you Bri, mama, daddy and sissy miss you so very much.
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