Thursday, September 4, 2014

Today's date did not slip by unnoticed.

Today, September 3, 2014 marks five years since Brianna died.  Five years.  Have been looking at this date on my calendar for the last month and reminiscing.  Happy, sad, amazing times we had.  Couldn't decide if I should take the day off (and do what? be a crybaby?) or let things happen as they happen.  Which is what I did and the last couple of days have been interesting.  Being that I work as a nurse taking care of medically fragile infants, I have many different little patients that I see during the month.  Last night my schedule had me at the home of a Trisomy 18 girl (yeah, go figure).  Warmed my heart from the moment I walked into her room.  I have taken care of her before and she remembered me.  Hugged me repeatedly...very sweet.  And then today I was scheduled to work with a child that is so very special to me.  I have been taking care of this very special child for over a year now and I want to share a little bit about her with you.

This little girl was the third patient I started to care for after getting my nursing license.  When the Director of Nursing in the office asked me to go see this new patient I said sure, why not, and then she handed me the child's file.  First thing I noticed is that her name was Brianna...hard one...then I read that she had a chromosome disorder...oh no...and a heart can't be.  My head was spinning but THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME.  It's about them and so off I went. 

Walking into the child's room and seeing her lying there so petite in the bed had me talking to tears Brenda....don't cry...this is not about you.  It has been a very harrowing year for this little girl named Brianna, but she has rounded the corner and is doing amazingly well.  Right now she is the age my Brianna was when she died.  And when I picked her up to place her in her bed tonight, I sneaked an extra hug from her, feeling that perhaps my Brianna was sending that extra hug to me through her.  Be assured  I know she is not my daughter, nor did she take my Brianna's place, but what she did do is a lot of healing to my heart. 

Missing you sweet baby Brianna.