Monday, October 26, 2009

Here I Am

I don't know how else to title this chapter except to say Here I Am, or actually Here We Are....moving on with life. I can't say we're moving on without Bri because although she is not here physically, she IS here, in our hearts and thoughts. The thing about grief is dang it, it can sneak up on you right out of the blue. The first days after Bri died, the grief was different. The pain she was in the few days before death helped us to realize that it truly was a blessing that she had been received upon the Lord but as the days and weeks progress, it's harder to remember the pain she as in because our pain of missing her sweet little smiling face is so overwhelming. It's harder to go into her bedroom without sobbing. I know this will pass and that it will eventually get easier and I don't want to rush it because I need to feel this. I just need to feel it.

On another note, we have been asked to share our story with Hospice of the Comforter here in Altamonte Springs and today is the day. A local television crew will be filming us in a couple of hours. I can feel the tears already. The story will "debut" Dec. 4th at a Hospice fundraiser. We will keep you posted.


  1. First, so happy to hear how you are! I am still here too..with you! and i hope that offers your heart some comfort. I know for us, knowing that someone had a thought about our girl was a great comfort..for we long for her to be remembered! I mean, you know..YOU were so changed because of her love and life. We can only hope and pray others were..and that they continue to share that they are. We NEED to hear it...OFTEN!

    I am so happy you have been given a platform to share her/your story. I love hearing how God uses our sorrow and makes all things new! I love how He gives us platforms and places to share our babies lives. How reassuring to know there is purpose in her life and death. I love that. My heart still breaks with yours. it's all i can give you...i am still here.

  2. Brenda,

    I think about you and Brianna so often and I think about the pain and how there is no way around it. In this life we will feel pain, yet how wonderful to know that we have a Loving God who uses our pain for our good and His glory. I am glad that you will have another opportunity to share Brianna's life and sadly her death to help others. God's purpose for her sweet life continues...I know you will always miss her sweet smile. Praying for you, Pam Deane(Christina's mom)

  3. Oh how I get so excited when I see a new post! But my heart grieves so much with you. Can't tell you how many times I come to the computer and just sit and look into her sweet face. She is still with you and even me, she is so still right here in my heart. I pray for you and I read each word you share with us and pray that one day I will walk this same path with the dignity and faith you are walking. Praying for you, Jerry and Ashley as everyone grieves different degrees. Love you, friend.

  4. I have been hoping you wouldn't stop posting. Brenda thank you for talking about your grieving. i'm sure it is showing the way to a lot of others dealing with their loss too. thinking about you and little Bri up in heaven ever so often.

  5. Brenda,

    I think of you most days, wondering how you are doing, yet not wanting to smother you. Each Mother deals with letting go of their child in a different way. Bri is still with you, I know, because Christina is still with us. I still say "Good Morning" most days or talk to her in some way, she is still a part of our lives, even if for no one else.
    Take care, sending my love -- Kathyn

  6. thinking and loving you so much! Miss, miss miss her!