Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Seven Days Ago

Seven days ago at this time we were begging God to take Brianna. She was in so much pain. But he was gracious enough to calm her and give us another 15 hours with our little angel. 15 hours that she was at peace and in no pain.

I'm here tonight with some rambling thoughts. Today Jerry and I designed Bri's Memorial card to be handed out at the service....no worries to those who can't be there, I can mail some out. Then we went over to First Pres. and figured out the schedule for Bri's memorial service. No tears, almost, but just teary eyes. "Bri is in a better place, Bri is in a better place".....keep saying it silently to myself.....and maybe just maybe I can hold myself together until I get home or at least in the car. Lasted until I got home and then cried myself silly. I know this is part of the grieving process but dang it.

I have to say I am pleased with myself in in the sense that I can look at, touch and talk to babies and small children without tears. Actually, I feel no sadness at all when that happens. I find myself feeling very happy for the parents for their having those dear children.

I am proud of Ashley. She almost wasn't ready to come into our house yet (afraid of all the Brianna paraphenelia laying around) although I did assure her that we had straightened up quite a bit and well, she then decided that yes, it was time. And it was all good. We had a nice afternoon, me, Jerry and Ashley. Went to a casual dinner, stopped by the mall and took her home early since she had quite a bit of school work that needed to be completed. And, in the middle of it all, received a call from the funeral home stating that Brianna's ashes were ready to be picked up. Here I go again, don't think about it, don't think about it, "i'm sorry Ashley, what did you say again???

One more thing I want to share. This morning when I awoke, Jerry was not in bed. He was on the couch. Said that he woke up around 2:00 am and simply couldn't go back to sleep. He was thinking about Brianna and how I felt her presence when the lady bug had landed on me days earlier. He said he was wondering if he would ever get a sign from her, and would he feel it or see it?.....Picked up his iPhone and started reading chapters of the bible, just searching for answers to whatever, got tired, placed his phone under his pillow and started to doze....then his phone beeped signaling that he had received an email....so, when he picked up his phone and looked, it was from me, and it was a picture of Brianna......yes, amazing, huh. Several days earlier I sent him that picture but he never received it until 2:33 am. Just when he needed it, sweet Bri said hello. God is so good. I think I will close on that warm and fuzzy story. Good night all.

10 comments:

  1. Brenda, I am going to do my best to type you an email and send it this time...

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  2. still here with you.

    i remembered asking God so desperately for more dreams about Cana. I had one. It was the same night a dear friend who has carried our grief with us had her 1 dream about her too. That was my "enough for now" from God. Maybe until i'm more ready to let God show me His mercy in those things i've asked...

    I'm so so so blessed by her life and purpose and i pray you continue to say "we are so very blessed" no matter the journey we are on. I am still here with you.

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  3. Thank you for the updates. I have been thinking of Brianna and praying for you all every day since I heard the news about her passing. I can't even imagine how hard it is to deal with this but I am so glad she has said hello to you both. It breaks my heart that you have to go through this. I am so sorry!

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  4. Friend and faithful servant, Know that I am here with you as you walk into the church tomorrow for the memorial service. I will be sitting and holding Annabel at 3 p.m. and pray for your family. I will be listening to this song on your playlist! Thank you, my friend for life.

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  5. Brenda, Just wanted you to know that I am here with you up in Deland following every post. You are in my heart, thoughts and prayers constantly throughout the day.

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  6. Will be with Vera too and keeping you in our thoughts.

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  7. Praying for the Lord to hold the three of you tightly in the palm of His hand during these difficult days ahead. God bless, keep you and give you His peace that passes all understanding.

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  8. Wow Brenda! What a beautiful story regarding Jerry's cell phone. God's timing is awesome!

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  9. i bumpd in your blog, read your stories and it touched my heart esp this one..just lost my mom 2months ago from cervical cancer but GOd never fails, all things work together for good to those who love Him...God bless you:) press on..she's in a better place:)

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