Seven days ago at this time we were begging God to take Brianna. She was in so much pain. But he was gracious enough to calm her and give us another 15 hours with our little angel. 15 hours that she was at peace and in no pain.
I'm here tonight with some rambling thoughts. Today Jerry and I designed Bri's Memorial card to be handed out at the service....no worries to those who can't be there, I can mail some out. Then we went over to First Pres. and figured out the schedule for Bri's memorial service. No tears, almost, but just teary eyes. "Bri is in a better place, Bri is in a better place".....keep saying it silently to myself.....and maybe just maybe I can hold myself together until I get home or at least in the car. Lasted until I got home and then cried myself silly. I know this is part of the grieving process but dang it.
I have to say I am pleased with myself in in the sense that I can look at, touch and talk to babies and small children without tears. Actually, I feel no sadness at all when that happens. I find myself feeling very happy for the parents for their having those dear children.
I am proud of Ashley. She almost wasn't ready to come into our house yet (afraid of all the Brianna paraphenelia laying around) although I did assure her that we had straightened up quite a bit and well, she then decided that yes, it was time. And it was all good. We had a nice afternoon, me, Jerry and Ashley. Went to a casual dinner, stopped by the mall and took her home early since she had quite a bit of school work that needed to be completed. And, in the middle of it all, received a call from the funeral home stating that Brianna's ashes were ready to be picked up. Here I go again, don't think about it, don't think about it, "i'm sorry Ashley, what did you say again???
One more thing I want to share. This morning when I awoke, Jerry was not in bed. He was on the couch. Said that he woke up around 2:00 am and simply couldn't go back to sleep. He was thinking about Brianna and how I felt her presence when the lady bug had landed on me days earlier. He said he was wondering if he would ever get a sign from her, and would he feel it or see it?.....Picked up his iPhone and started reading chapters of the bible, just searching for answers to whatever, got tired, placed his phone under his pillow and started to doze....then his phone beeped signaling that he had received an email....so, when he picked up his phone and looked, it was from me, and it was a picture of Brianna......yes, amazing, huh. Several days earlier I sent him that picture but he never received it until 2:33 am. Just when he needed it, sweet Bri said hello. God is so good. I think I will close on that warm and fuzzy story. Good night all.