Thursday, September 2, 2010

Not Sure How to Title this Post

I can't believe that almost a year has passed since Brianna died. So many times I've heard how the first year is the worst...compared to what? ...I can't imagine it getting "better". This week I have tried to be "ignorant" of the date. Maybe if I don't look at the calendar I won't see "the" date that Bri died and remember everything that lead up to her death. But I DO remember. How could I ever possibly forget? I know she was struggling and I am glad that she is at peace but darn it, we miss her SO DARN MUCH. Her happy smile, she was so cute.

Last night I dreamt about her and my father (who is also deceased). In the dream my dad was busy taking photographs of everyone and Bri, well she was just there. I remember in the dream my sister (Sonya) wanting to hold Bri but I told her "no, don't you remember? she died....I want to hold her and I did, in my arms.

It's tough being strong sometimes. Tonight I met a man who is affiliated with Jerry's work. He asked me if I was Bri's mom (he already knew the answer) and immediately he started to apologize for bringing her up. I told him it was fine. Bri was REAL and i don't want for her to be forgotten. Apparently she touched his life like she touched so many others. Thank you for asking about our sweet angel girl.

To my dear friend Kathy, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are the best friend ANYONE could possibly have.

As for Friday, September 3rd, I plan to meet Kathryn (her daughter lived 13 months with Trisomy 18) and go Atlanta Botanical Gardens, then lunch. Jerry will join me early afternoon for our time together to reflect on our blessed life with Bri. Our sweet angel baby girl.

God has been so good to us and for that we give great thanks.


  1. Brenda,

    I still think of Brianna all the time and wonder how you are doing. I can only imagine how incredibly hard this past year has been for all of you, but I also know that you have been relying on the strength of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to get you through. May He continue to use you and Brianna for His glory. You are in my prayers today. With much love sent your way, Pam Deane (Christina's mom)

  2. Are you in the Atlanta area?? There are three T-18 moms getting together on 9/4 in Gainesville. I know it is last minute, but if you are interested, give me a call.
    Susan @ 864-991-7009
    PS Briana was one of my inspirations when I was pregnant with Rebekah, now 16 months.

  3. on sept 3 last year, i read the post and walked into our bedroom, sat on the edge of my bed and cried. We were one month out from the first anniversary of our cana's death and i was lost in grief for you. I asked the Lord to let me carry some of your pain for you..and i believe He did. He really has given my heart a place for your bri.

    You are always in my thoughts.

  4. Brenda, I missed this post. I have been so lazy about the blog. Please know that we thing of you so often. I love to hear what is going on and yes, how you are dealing and feeling! She touched so many in her precious life, thank you Jesus, for sweet Bri!

  5. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss! My sister was just told yesterday that she is pregnant with a trisomy 18 baby boy.

    She is rare carrier of trisomy 18, and had another baby boy with it that past away shortly after birth back in 1996.